Rejected.

Today I am feeling rejected.  Rejection is something I have dealt with my whole entire life.  Understand that white folks were looking for a person like me.  It was black people who struggled with my giftedness.  They struggled to clap and appreciate my brightness.  I have had some rough days and I have had those days by myself.  Then when I am at my wits end, here come folks who could not get with my greatness when it was white hot, but they waited until sickness lowered me enough for them to feel better than me.  I spewed them like vomit out of my mouth.  I walked away and never looked back.  I have never been so happy being away from their critical spirits.  They were so glad to see me suffer that they could not contain themselves.  I feel that today.  I feel the rejected and pray to God to feel better.

Anchor yourself

I have been a bit silent.  That does not mean that the world is not changing.  It is changing everyday and sometimes every morning.  I don't know what symptom I am going to have today of the great change that is happening to me.  My hair is drastically thin.  I break out in pimples once a month.  My taste buds inflame for days.  I go to bed tired and wake up tired and then there are the doctors.  Every time I go, they are looking for the something I don't want them to find.  Now, how do you believe God when everything is going that crazy?  How do you believe that God is still in control, when it seems like life is spinning out of control.  How can I lay down and go to sleep when I am not sure what muscle or joint is going to have a fit by the morning.  To God be the glory, I have found that the only thing you can do when the world is spinning to grab ahold of something that is not spinning.  You need to attach yourself to something that does not change.  God's word does not change.  God does not change.  He is the one thing you can anchor your soul to when the rest of the world is spinning.

Upon the turning of 45, when one looks into the mirror to find that one blemish that wasn't there before.  Your hips ache just from the simple task of walking and your hair is so thin that it's useless.  It is hard to run from the mirror to the window to see elements of what you used to be.  They are firm, full headed and free.  They have not a care that one day that will all change.  The day will come when beauty will come at a cost and your head must be held high anyway.  That is the way of the White Gardenia.  She must bloom.................where she is planted.